So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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