I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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