Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
