Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
