Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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