I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
