from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
