I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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