I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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