Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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