So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
