someone threw a dead crab at me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
