Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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