i would punch a child for taco bell
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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