I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
