9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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