Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
