mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
