i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
