i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
