Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
