Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
