Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
