you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
