So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
