I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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