He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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