you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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