so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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