lets start a swedish sibling band together
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
