I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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