My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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