Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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