Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Alive.
So much puke
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
