dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
