It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
