You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
