glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
