Sober January is a disaster.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
