Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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