also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
