so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
