This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
