So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
