So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
