atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
