you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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