I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
