the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
