Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
